7 Myths About Singleness by Sam Allberry demystifies common misconceptions about living out singleness as a Christian. Rather than simply being the absence of marriage, singleness offers rich gifts both in our personal relationship with God and in our broader community.

Singleness is a unique gift for experiencing intimacy with others and growing in a relationship with God.

Singleness is associated with a lot of false beliefs, especially in the broader Christian culture. It’s often seen as a subpar state compared to marriage and means the absence of relational fulfillment or purposeful ministry. Singleness to many falsely means being alone or spiritually lacking.

Singleness in a secular context looks very different from the life of a Christian, and it is this unique call for Christian singles that offers rich gifts and a deep sense of purpose. It’s important that we understand the reality of single life in both its joys and struggles. This helps us appreciate its inherent good and love those living it. For many of us, even if married, we will be single again at some point with the death of our spouse. Understanding single life then, whether single or married, clarifies our own calling and purpose and empowers us to encourage others.

In this summary, you will learn:

  • the misconceptions around living as a single Christian;
  • the true gifts and struggles of singleness, and what a gift from God really means; and
  • how to embrace your state of life with your true purpose in mind.

Singleness and celibacy are inherently good, and we’re capable of living well this way.

There are many false beliefs surrounding singleness. Singleness is often seen as inherently bad, and marriage is considered inherently good. Since singleness requires total abstinence from sex for the Christian, it is seen as oppressive at worst or inherently lacking at best. But Jesus is clear about what is required for both marriage and singleness – and both teachings are hard to follow in practice.

In Matthew 5:19, Jesus says that sex outside of marriage is sinful. He also explicitly states in Matthew 5:28 that not only is adultery sinful, but lusting in the heart is sinful as well. Our inner approach to sexuality matters just as much as what we do or don’t do externally. He also states in Matthew 19:4-5 and 10-12 that the purpose of marriage is for one man and one woman to be joined for life. Otherwise, the only biblical option is celibacy.

Both the teachings on celibacy and marriage are indeed hard. However, modern-day beliefs would hold the teaching on singleness and celibacy as the harder one to follow. Yet Jesus Himself was celibate, and He was the fullness of what it meant to be human. While we can never be perfectly sinless as He was, we are indeed capable of the standard He set with the help of His grace.

Paul goes on to explain in 1 Corinthians that singleness and celibacy is actually the preferred state. There is nothing wrong with marrying, and in other passages, Paul expresses the beauty of how marriage reflects the love between Jesus and His church. It is intrinsically good and worth every bit of its ups and downs. But Paul also says in 1 Corinthians 7:28, “Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.” There are hardships in marriage and family life that a single person will not have to face directly, and that is a benefit to being single.

However, it’s not just about the problems you’d be spared. Singleness also provides rich opportunities. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35, “The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.” The focus of singles is less divided, and that can be beneficial. It is tempting to turn that focused attention toward selfish aims, but the gift of singleness allows for undivided attention to God.

Singleness doesn’t require a special power.

Because we tend to think of singleness as a lack in our life, we easily believe that the only way to live out biblical singleness is if we have a special calling. But just as married life is a gift, so too is single life. The gift of singleness doesn’t just mean we now have the ability to live it as God intended. Rather, it is a gift in and of itself.

There are several problems with thinking that singleness requires a special power or calling to live it. First, if it requires a special power to live this way, then it’s not inherently good. It’s the second-rate option, the state of life that no one would desire. This way of thinking reinforces the idea that marriage is the only way to live life as a full and healthy human being.

Second, if singleness requires a special power, then it may make those who are single second-guess themselves if they feel dissatisfied. Others must have the gift, but they do not.

Third, it paves the way for harmful relationships. If we believe we don’t have the special gift of singleness, our only option is to be in relationships that aren’t good for us, and it’s God’s fault in that case. It means we believe God asks something of us that we aren’t capable of doing.

Fourth, we may end up viewing marriage in a similar way. If we’re unhappy, we assume we don’t have a special gift for it, and therefore it’s okay to leave our spouse and try to find happiness elsewhere.

Fifth, believing singleness requires a special gift predisposes us to think that having the gift means it will be easy. Gifts are about service rather than superficial, individual satisfaction.

If singles would rather be married, the struggle does not mean that they don’t have the special gift. It also doesn’t mean that singles should feel pressure to marry as soon as they can because of this perceived lack of gift. Instead, the true meaning of the gift of singleness or marriage is that, while there may be challenges to both, we can experience God’s goodness in each state. There is grace, rather than a special power, for us to live well in either state as the gifts they are…

Join Holy Reads to read the rest of 7 Myths About Singleness by Sam Allberry book summary.

Download the App here and access 1,000+ bestselling Christian book summaries in written, audio, and video formats