When someone does us wrong, we feel hurt, angry, and betrayed. But as Christians, we know that we are called to “forgive those who trespass against us” (Matthew 6:12). And just a couple of verses later we learn that “if we do not forgive others, then our Father will not forgive our transgressions,” (Matthew 6:15). But what does this forgiveness look like tangibly? How do we forgive someone who has wronged us? The following list provides practical steps we can take to achieve forgiveness.
1. Pray to God and for the person who has wronged you
Practice becoming self-aware, and pray to God about the emotions you are feeling. Don’t ignore or suppress the pain. Rather, acknowledge the ways that you have been hurt. Cry out to God about the injustice of the situation. It is okay and even good to be angry about sin, but don’t let that anger lead you to sin as well (Ephesians 4:26). Choose at this point to be vulnerable before God and submit your feelings to Him. Ask Him to search your heart for sin, and don’t give the enemy an opportunity to use suppressed feelings to attack and destroy you.
As you are praying, be intentional about praying for the person who has hurt you. Try to see them as God sees them, recognizing the fact that they are made in the image of God. Pray for their salvation if they don’t yet know the Lord, and pray for spiritual maturity if they do. Ask God to use them to bring about His glory. And try to look at the situation from their perspective. Use this as a time not to justify their sin but to understand the reasoning behind their actions and empathize with them.
2. Reflect on your own sin and the forgiveness that you have received from God through Christ
Take some time to think about the way that you have hurt others in the past and the way that you continue to rebel against your holy God. You were once dead in your sins and transgressions, and you had no hope of making things right with God. Reflect on what it meant for Jesus to come to this earth to provide salvation for you while you were still a sinner and His enemy (Romans 5:8). Take time to thank God for the forgiveness that He extended to you, even though you did nothing to earn it.
3. Choose forgiveness
Know that harboring bitterness and anger is sinful on your part, and know that it does nothing to make the situation any better. It multiplies rather than erases the hurt that you feel, and it does nothing to punish the other person. The only person unforgiveness hurts is you. So, choose forgiveness. Decide to forgive because it is the God-honoring thing to do and because it is a step toward peace and reconciliation.
Decide to let go of the feelings of hatred and pain, and choose to extend forgiveness. Pray for the Holy Spirit to help you let go of the hurt and anger. Then, if it is feasible, go to the person who hurt you and express how you feel. Be calm and respectful, but explain to them how their actions hurt you and how you have forgiven them for what they have done.
Use this conversation as a time to point them to the gospel. They may or may not even realize that they hurt you, and they may or may not respond with an apology and repentance. But explain that you have been forgiven for your own sin and that you desire to extend the same forgiveness that you have received to them. Point them to the work of Jesus.
4. Establish clear boundaries, if necessary
Ideally, forgiveness is a stepping stone on the path toward reconciliation. We are all humans, and we all make mistakes. But when we shower each other with grace and forgiveness, we get to move past the hurt and continue doing life together.
But this is not always possible. It would be unhealthy and unwise to pursue reconciliation in some situations. This does not mean that we shouldn’t forgive because we most definitely should. But it means that we don’t have to continue to do life with the person who has committed a grave sin against us. It is sometimes necessary to establish boundaries to protect yourself and others from further hurt. 
Forgiveness does not mean that you have to act like the sin never happened or that you have to have a relationship with the offender. Pray for the Spirit to grant you wisdom and to guide you to the best path forward. Release any bitter feelings or ill will that you are harboring toward the other person. And know that it is okay to go separate ways.
5. Look for a good support system
When people hurt us, our emotions naturally come into play and threaten to take over. We must learn to work through our grief and process our emotions in a healthy way. But sometimes, this is very challenging to do on our own. Forgiveness is often a very difficult and painful process. Some hurts run deep and leave trauma in their wake.
It is a good idea to seek wise counsel from a friend, a pastor, or a counselor. Look for someone who will be able to look at the situation and tell you whether or not your perception of reality lines up with the truth. Instruct them to ask you the tough questions, hold you accountable, and point you to the gospel. Choosing forgiveness is a process, and sometimes it takes quite a bit of time to experience full healing. But press on! The road may be difficult, but it leads to peace and healing. And it frees you to honor Christ better as you grow in obedience and trust in Him, even when life hurts.