Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas liberates us from having to depend on our feelings to dictate the aim of our marriage. It offers us a more everlasting purpose in helping us become more like Christ.

The union that God invented accomplishes something much more significant and eternal than fleeting gladness.

For too long, we have depended upon our emotions to lead us to marry the right person. However, they have proven time and again how unreliable they are in maintaining a godly union. We need a loftier and more realistic pursuit within marriage if we want ours to endure. This means we must be directed to God’s purposes for our sanctification and learn to treasure His ideas.

Shifting into this better goal of holiness requires us to adjust our expectations from what we can receive in marriage to what we can give. Marriage has its challenges, but all of them can be used to draw us closer to God so that we may also become more like Him.

In this summary, you will learn:

  • how God desires to use marriage for our sanctification;
  • how marriage shows the world the relationship God wants with His people; and
  • what specific ways we can love our spouse with greater godliness.

God intended marriage to change us more significantly than romance ever could.

Getting to the deeper issues in marriage requires us to do the hard work of investigating God’s purpose behind them. It is important for us to understand that He intended marriage to draw us closer to Himself. The process will help us reflect God’s character.

Marriage is not for the faint of heart. The reason it requires spiritual fortitude is because most of us do not want to practice the honesty that leads to growth. Marriage necessitates rewriting our expectations and facing our own responsibility for the sin we contribute to the relationship. We must realize that marriage is for our sanctification.

Romance is everywhere today, but in ancient times, people were not convinced that fleeting feelings had the power to sustain a marriage. The trouble with expecting romance to uphold a relationship is that it can only go so far. The nitty-gritty of marriage requires something much stronger. Wise, aged love has more stability than anything emotions can build. It is exceptionally tempting to sprint from the obstacles that marriage puts in our path, but we also can choose to resist that urge because we know that God wants to use the relationship to deepen our affections for Him.

Across the centuries, many have had negative views on marriage. There was a time in biblical history when a married person was viewed as being a weaker Christian. Instead of viewing marriage as the means by which they pursue God, married people sought God in spite of their marriage. Married life demands that we forego our self-centeredness and recognize the tremendous spiritual gain in joining our lives with another.

We are tempted to sin within marriage in many more ways than just sexually. God brings people together to highlight the pervasiveness of sin in our hearts. We will see drastic changes in our marriage as we are willing to repent of sin rather than trying to fix our partner.

Marriage is short term. It only lasts as long as we are on this earth. Our focus should be on furthering our relationship with God first. That relationship will last. This refined perspective on marriage makes all the difference. When we realize how intimately we are known and loved by Him, we will approach our spouse with the best expectations. God alone is able to meet our every emotional and spiritual need. He can bear the weight of our expectations.

God uses marriage to display the truth about His relationship with His people.

The Scriptures are full of word pictures that spur us toward greater clarity about how the infinite God relates to His creation. The Bible often emphasizes the connection He wants us to portray through marriage. He invented marriage to reveal meaningful aspects of who He is.

God describes our relationship with Him as a marriage He initiated and held up – not out of terrified obligation but out of joyful love. Our heavenly Husband actually enjoys us and sings over us. He is offended when we betray Him and give priority to lesser lovers. God so wanted us to know Him that He was willing to come to earth in human form. He meant for marriage to portray the fundamental truth that His love is real. Marriage allows us to discover valuable lessons about the nature of God. When that is our focus, our marriage becomes a blessing.

Reconciliation is the biggest goal in marriage. It represents the connection between Jesus and His bride. The founders of the church were advocates of this. Understanding the point of marriage keeps us persevering in it. We can look at it as an institution that either operates when it is convenient and self-serving or as that which honors God and reminds others that God wants to be reunited with them. It is not just a give-and-take dynamic that satisfies both parties’ need for companionship like a human-focused view would argue. Those who are married have been entrusted to demonstrate the relationship between God and His people.

We need to run every choice through the filter of whether it brings God delight. That includes marriage. It is not about making ourselves happy or even our spouse, but about delighting God. In displaying the picture of being reunited with God, our marriage allows us the opportunity to restore relationships where there has been brokenness rather than surrender in defeat. When we are seeking to demonstrate reconciliation, we will choose to endure difficulty, overlook offenses, and love at all costs. While divorce may be a recourse for some, for the most part, those who choose that path have neglected to prioritize the gospel in their relationship.

Keeping reconciliation as an aim in marriage must remain essential. Then even if our worst nightmares come true and sin decimates the relationship, we will continue to be committed to a common goal of honoring God through resolving differences. Both a husband’s and wife’s relationship with God has to take top place in their respective lives. This is the best way for a marriage to be missional.

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