The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy and Kathy Keller provides a biblical look at the purpose of marriage. Marriage shows us elements of our faith and directly impacts our relationship with God.

The biblical view of marriage runs counter to today’s culture, but it also provides a reliable means to grow spiritually and find godly joy.

As society moves further away from the confines of God’s Word, it’s no surprise to see views on relationships and families change as well. But what if a correct biblical understanding of why God designed marriage and who should be considered as a potential spouse creates more freedom? The value of marriage has been undertaught, and this shows up as a highly negative view of marriage (even in churches).

Rather than bringing misery, marriage is intended to provide happiness. Marriage is an analogy of the love and sacrifice of Christ and, as such, unites societal duty, emotions, and friendship into one. Marriage provides a taste of the joy that comes from a life united with God. When the purpose of marriage is properly understood, it strengthens the entire church by reminding them that true hope and fulfillment come from God alone.

In this summary, you will learn:

  • that marriage reflects the gospel and union with God;
  • how the purpose of marriage is to make us more Christlike; and
  • ways that a biblical view of marriage can be taught to strengthen the entire church.

Modern views of marriage make it more burdensome than God intended.

The challenge of loving another person through marriage is the second most rewarding relationship possible, next to our relationship with God. Yet statistics show that divorce, cohabitation relationships, and children born outside of marriage have all risen in the last 60 years. Our culture has misassumptions about the unhappiness, confines, and financial cost of a marriage relationship.

While many people believe negative facts about marriage, the truth is that strong marriages have a positive impact on our lives. Studies have shown that marriage correlates with a general increase in salary, greater savings for eventual retirement, and even better health. Unfortunately, even some Christians undervalue the benefits of marriage by believing it results in unhappiness.

The belief that divorce is a valid option to gain happiness is common. This view ignores that happiness can be regained in a struggling marriage.

The purpose of marriage has been viewed differently throughout time and in different cultures. For Western civilization, once heavily influenced by a Judeo-Christian worldview, the purpose of marriage was a way to practice selfless love, provide a stable environment for raising children, and provide a foundation for society. In more recent times, the purpose of marriage has become more focused on the individual’s need for happiness or as a form of self-expression.

These views make marriage more difficult as the number of requirements for a successful marriage grows under the desire for sexual fulfillment, emotional support, and personal acceptance. This highly idealistic view of how marriage should function directly leads to broken relationships and the pessimistic view of miserable spouses.

As the Bible teaches, there is no such thing as an ideal person because we have all sinned. This is why marriage can hurt so much and exactly why it is important to teach people how to love selflessly. The modern view of marriage as a fulfillment of self, however, makes it even more painful as high standards lead to greater disappointment when your spouse fails to meet expectations.

Marriage is a direct analogy to the gospel. It’s not about choosing to be unhappy while being selfless or finding happiness while acting selfishly. Instead, it’s about learning to be happy while you both sacrifice for each other.

A strong marriage is not possible outside of a strong relationship with God. 

Marriage is nearly impossible without the presence of the Holy Spirit, reminding each spouse about the teaching of Jesus. While modern societies rebel against the notion of submitting, Paul’s teaching on marriage in Ephesians 5 ties submission back as a sign of a person who is filled with the Holy Spirit. Submission in a marriage is simply a more intense version of a trait that should mark all Christians.

While Paul urges wives to submit to their husbands, he tells husbands they must love even more sacrificially, following the model of Jesus. This submission to each other does not undo a husband’s place of authority, but it does illustrate the reason why humility is needed for a relationship to work well. Humility teaches us selflessness, which enables us to serve, while eliminating pride, which stops us from being served.

The presence of the Holy Spirit in marriage provides selfless and unconditional love for the spouse. This, in turn, alleviates many of the negative emotions that destroy relationships. A strong relationship with God creates a fulfilling marriage. Just like how God created us to serve Him, we must serve our spouse to find joy in marriage.

Self-centeredness begins with a sinful heart and is exacerbated by the emotional wounds we gain throughout life. This will destroy your relationship unless you focus on eliminating your selfishness. Fortunately, this can effectively transform your marriage over time, even if you are the only one attempting this path.

True selflessness makes it a goal to think of self rarely. In doing so, problems seem more insignificant, and there is contentment in life. This only happens when, as Ephesians 5:21 states, we allow ourselves to be humbled by the reverential awe of the Lord. When we allow any other desire to decide our actions, we become incapable of serving others in love.

A marriage relationship or work accomplishments will never be enough to overpower all our insecurities like God can do. Looking at these things for salvation and complete satisfaction will always lead to disappointment. We find salvation and contentment by filling our minds with the words of Christ. The more we study and remember the Bible, the easier it becomes to imitate His actions.

The more we imitate His selflessness, the more we give to our relationship. Self-centeredness, by its very nature, demands that our spouse serves us. This relationship will not thrive…

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